i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm just crazy horny about you
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
