Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
