he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
