I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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