Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
