oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
