First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
