my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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