There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
