Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
