is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
