..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
