The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
