So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
