My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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