matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
