My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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