I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
