I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
