Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
