3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
