i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
