I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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