i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
