idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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