And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
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Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.