I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.