right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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