I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
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i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.