id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.