Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
