btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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