I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
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How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
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I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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