actually, I'm a sock model
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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