So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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