Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I don't think brook has ever known best
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
