wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We were destined to go to rehab together
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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