hotel room ftw
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
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After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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