do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize