Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
