There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
