i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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