Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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