we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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