I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Randomize
