pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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