I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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