you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Sext me about skeletons
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
