I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
