So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
