I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
