I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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