The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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