as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
