Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
