i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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