Dude my mom stole all your condoms
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
