Pants 0. Shit 1.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
