the condom got lost in my hair
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
