i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
