how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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