Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
