I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics